All posts by apunkwithms

Blogger, MSer, Mainer, Freethinker.

I Never Knew I Was “That Sick” A Mental Health Story

Some people go years wondering what went wrong in their lives to trigger a mental illness. Some people know what went wrong but choose to not accept it.

Childhood trauma?

Abandonment?

Mental/Physical/Sexual abuse and manipulation?

These types of issues can build up over the years and wreak havoc on your soul. The longer you hold it all in the worse your mental health will be. If you have a lot of baggage to carry, please see a therapist as soon as possible. Don’t go about your mental health like I did.

I thought I was going about my mental health correctly, but I wasn’t. I would only go to therapy when I felt I “needed to” instead of seeing someone on a regular basis. With a lot of traumatic history, this was my first mistake.  Outside of therapy, I would stuff all of my emotions deep down where no one could ever find them. I would swallow sadness and show nothing but smiles because I didn’t want to let the people around me down.  Or, I’d get really angry, upset, and say hateful words to those I loved the most. I would push them away intentionally.

I was originally prescribed a mood disorder medication as a teenager but stopped taking it when I thought to myself “I don’t need this anymore because I already take an antidepressant” this was my second mistake. Year after year my moods would swing constantly. Bad days, then good days, then mixed days. I was labeled with major depression, anxiety and PTSD with disassociative features. All of my therapists thought the mood swings were trauma related.

They are, but here’s the real kicker:  I also have a history of Bipolar 2 Disorder in my family. Due to my traumatic childhood, my psychiatrist also thinks I may have Borderline Personality Disorder or Bipolar 2 Disorder.

Not in a million years would I ever feel that I would have those two diagnoses brought up to me. I’m still waiting for my mood stabilizer to work better. My psychiatrist will diagnose me officially from there.

My moods have ruined a lot of moments in my life and a part of me wishes I could get those years back with proper mental health treatment.

The moral of this story is that you need to take care of yourself especially if you have a mental illness. Go to therapy, see your psychiatrist, take your meds, do what you need to do to remain mentally healthy. You may need more help than you realize. The only way to get the most accurate diagnoses and the best care is to make sure your appointments are a routine. Don’t be afraid to get help because there are many options and many people who understand exactly what you are going through. Recovery is possible.

With love,

-Rebecca Elizabeth A Punk With MS

Medical Cannabis: My Journey

I have been smoking marijuana since I was 15 years old.  Never in a million years did I ever think that I would use it medicinally. I simply enjoyed getting high and forgetting about my days. As a teenager I was rebellious, carefree, and thought I knew the world like the back of my hand (as most teenagers do). I would sneak out, indulge in public drinking, and go for burn rides with friends.

Now, let’s fast forward to two years ago. The exact date was February 4th, 2015.  It was one of the rudest awakenings that I ever got in my entire life. I was going through numerous medical tests for months. The issue I faced originally was numbness/weakness on the right side of my body. I also had consistent vision changes/dizziness. After the tests it was confirmed by my neurologist that I had a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. This honestly wasn’t a surprise because my mother and deceased uncle both have/had  Multiple Sclerosis. (My neurologist is also my mother’s neurologist). I cried. Hearing this news was definitely difficult. I couldn’t cope with my life for a VERY long time. 

I have witnessed my mother struggle with this terrible disease my whole life. I also have witnessed my uncle struggle in a wheelchair around the time that he died. Those memories are still engraved in my mind to this very day.

For those who don’t know, Multiple Sclerosis is when your own immune system attacks your body (the brain and spinal cord). This causes lesions and a lot of muscle spasms and nerve pain. I have weakness in my right side, numbness, tingling, nerve pain, migraines, muscle spasms, and restless legs. 

My first MS medication was Rebif. This was an injection I took three times weekly. The side effects were brutal. I felt like I had the flu EVERY SINGLE DAY. The only thing that eased the body aches and pains was marijuana. Ibuprofen and muscle relaxers only helped so much. 

This chapter in my life is what began my use with medicinal marijuana. I didn’t use it to get high, I used it to find relief.

 I also suffer from PTSD. Marijuana helps lessens my flashbacks.

 You could say that marijuana not only helps me physically but helps me mentally and spiritually too. It makes my body and mind feel “normal” when I used to spend years feeling nothing but aches and pains. 

I’m on an oral pill called Tecfidera for my MS currently. It causes gastro issues and a lot of flushing. Because of Tecfidera I am now two months in remission. I still fight MS symptoms daily. I also use marijuana daily and do not plan to stop anytime soon. Medicated edibles, CBD oil, cannabis oil, smoking, and vaping are all great ways to get relief.

It gave me my life back. Thank you for reading.

-Rebecca Elizabeth A Punk With MS

Gluten-Free/Dairy-Free Banana Bread

Here is an easy recipe for Gluten-Free/Dairy-Free Banana bread that I tweaked from Pinterest (I added my own ingredients as a substitute!) I was nervous about doing this at first, but it came out perfect! It does NOT need to rise before being put into the oven (the baking soda in the recipe will help this as it heats up)

Ingredients:

-1 cup Bananas

-2 eggs (room temperature)

-2/3 cup Almond Milk (or any non-dairy milk of your choice)

-1/3 cup Coconut Oil

-2 Cups Gluten-Free Flour (if your Gluten-Free flour doesn’t have Xanthan Gum in it, then add 3/4 tsp of Xanthan Gum to this recipe)

-1/2 cup of Cane Sugar

-1/2 tsp Sea Salt

-1 tsp Vanilla Extract

1/2 tsp baking soda

-1 tsp Baking Powder

Add 1/2 cup of your preferred nut to make the banana bread nutty!

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Mix together your sugar, baking powder, baking soda, Gluten-Free Flour, Sea Salt, nuts (optional), and Xanthan Gum (add this only if your flour does not include this ingredient) together in one bowl.

Get out a second bowl. Add your eggs, vanilla extract, coconut oil, non-dairy milk, and mashed bananas into this bowl. make sure to mix the ingredients together well.

Now, mix both bowls of ingredients in the same bowl together.

Once your ingredients are all mixed together, pre-grease a bread loaf pan and fill it with the batter.

Put the bread loaf in the oven for 45-55 minutes (this depends on the oven, mine took 45 minutes to bake) Check it with a toothpick to be sure it is fully cooked.

Once your banana bread is cooked, take it out of the oven and place it where it can cool down for 15 minutes.

Cut, eat, and enjoy! Be sure to wrap it tightly once you are done to help keep it fresh for a couple of days. Feel free to freeze whatever you do not use!

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-Rebecca Elizabeth A Punk With MS

 

 

 

 

Cannabombz: A New Bathing Experience

Today I am going to share an open and honest review of a cannabis product that I purchased myself recently. I was not asked to make a review but had such a positive experience with this product that I absolutely HAD to share!

 

I had the pleasure of soaking in Cannabombz scent “Aquamarine” today.

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This was one of the most relaxing experiences I’ve ever had. This bath bomb is infused with highly concentrated CBD (Canna) oil, home-grown herbs, Epsom salt crystals, and eucalyptus oil. The owner of Cannabombz grows all of her herbs with love and care, she also loves using different essential oils.  The eucalyptus in this particular bath bomb makes your skin feel minty fresh in the water, and your body is completely relaxed within 15-20 minutes of soaking.

 

 

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(look at the beautiful detail of this bath bomb!)

 

I soaked for 30 minutes and was most definitely NOT disappointed. When I got out of the bath my body felt heavy, euphoric, and relaxed. One of the most important things to me when trying a cannabis product is that it helps with pain relief. Living with Multiple Sclerosis has my body in constant spasms that don’t go away on their own. This product won’t only help people like me but anyone out there in general who lives with chronic pain. If I had to rate it on a 1-10 scale it most definitely would be a 10 for me.

The customer service was also wonderful. My bombs came with a tracking number and any questions I had were answered immediately! Her bath bombs come in different sizes, I purchased a small because my tub is small! She truly cares about her customers and takes her job very seriously. This is something we truly need in the Cannabis community.

Here is a link to a video I posted on Instagram of the Bath Bomb in the water

If you would like to try this product out for yourself, message Cannabombz on Instagram here! Prepare for the relaxation of your life, you most definitely have to “soak it to believe it”!

 

-Rebecca Elizabeth, A Punk With MS

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Old Me, A Memoir

I miss the days where I didn’t have to pay attention to what I ate, or how hard I pushed myself.

I miss the times where I bathed in the sun with not a care in the world. Nowadays when I’m in the heat too long, I overheat and feel ill.

I miss not having so many doctor’s appointments and having a completely open schedule to do as I please during the days I didn’t have to work.

I miss working a lot.

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I miss the days when my body would not attack itself, the days without dealing with one migraine after another, and the days without having to take so many pills.

Today I say goodbye to the old me, and focus on today the best that I can. I will forever miss the old me, but a part of her will always remain. You can say goodbye to the old you too, it doesn’t mean that you have to completely forget her/him. Take care of yourself and try to accept your current situation  (as tough as it may be.) Dwelling on who you used to be all the time can reopen old wounds and cause you even more unnecessary pain. You can do it, I believe in you.

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– Rebecca Elizabeth (A Punk With MS)

Dairy Free/Gluten Free “Cheesy” Garlic and Onion Sauce With Spaghetti and Shrimp

For this recipe you’re going to need:

-Two Cups of peeled and diced potatoes

-One Cup of peeled and diced carrots

-1 Tbsp lemon juice

-1 Tsp Garlic Powder

-1/3 Cup Virgin Olive Oil

– 1 Tbsp of salt

-1 Cup of diced Onions

-1/2 Cup of Nutritional Yeast (or Corn Starch)

-1 Tsp Mrs. Dash Table Blend

-1 Big handful of Gluten Free Pasta

– 1 cup of peeled  shrimp

First, you’re going to dice 2 cups of potatoes, and one cup of carrots. Once diced, throw your potatoes and carrots into a medium pot to boil. While boiling, fry your cup of onions and cup of shrimp using a light amount of olive oil in a separate small pan until they are no longer raw. Once your potatoes and carrots are softened, take them off the heat and drain. Once your onions and shrimp are cooked, take them off the heat as well. Separate your shrimp from the onions (you need the onions for your “cheese sauce”)

Now, put your lemon juice, spices, nutritional yeast (or corn starch), onions, salt, olive oil, carrots, and potatoes together in a blender. Blend it all well.

 

Now you have your garlic and onion ‘cheese” sauce!

It should look something like this:

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(I mixed in my yeast/ corn starch in last because my blender is super small.)

NOW, Boil a big handful of gluten free pasta in a medium pan Once pasta is cooked, strain it.

mix your cheese sauce, your pasta, and your shrimp together in a container and voila! You now have your own lactose free and gluten free cheese sauce shrimp and pasta style meal! Feel free to mess around with the recipe after you try this, you may find that you like the ingredients better with less of something and more of something else! Feel free to even use a half cup of cashews in your sauce as well to help texture and taste! Enjoy!

 

-Rebecca Elizabeth A Punk With MS

 

To The Ones Who Never Feel Good Enough

This post is dedicated to the ones who always feel like they have to hold the weight of the world on their shoulders.

You are an incredible human being that puts light into the world wherever you go.

You are a shining soul, that helps others when they feel like they have fallen into an infinite darkness.

You have held others together, even when you didn’t feel put together yourself.

You are the selflessness that a lot of the world lacks.

You are truly more wonderful than you’ll ever see or know.

I can say this because I am also one of these people.

I wonder if one day  I’ll ever feel “good enough” even though I know I’m a good person.

There are days when you’ll want to give up or even feel weak, but you need to keep moving.

You need to remain strong, you’ve made it this far. Rest and recharge if you need to. You are only one person. One person can make a difference, but in order to care for others, you need to care for yourself.

The world needs your kindness, don’t let it make you dark.

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– Rebecca Elizabeth A Punk With MS